told

a little piece of sabotage				that i save for myself

			//// behave after class	
							become second nature

				10% left /// 	10% more		half glass full hour glass		sunglasses		glasses		i left them 	the prescription is minimal		outside 	sun		arms		tan		landscaping
	work		trimming		boxwoods		viburnum dust on my face		mixed with sweat		mixed with sweat		mixed with swears i let out under my breath		like my mom		like my mom		she wakes me up		time to go		got to get up 		got to get up	. song on loop..	

	
	nodding off. free-write. nodding off free write. channeling Dali. 		But im overmedicated		2 years		zombified	can’t remember sleep 10 hours can’t remember nod off. did u take your meds.			bipolar. 1 or2? 1 or2?		do you have bipolar? 		you must have not taken your meds

		grandpa. bipolar. mother . crazy.	im crazy.		he’s crazy.		my aunt chain smokes			my cousin is gone.				I wish she was here. 		driving home. after night shift.		i wish she was here.		i wish i had family. 		anyone to talk to. that might know.		where she is.		where she is. 		where’s the directions	?		map-quest.		on the way to a wedding.				a cousin’s wedding.			I don’t know this cousin.			


			art.		i make art.		did you talk to your cousin?		he’s a movie producer. 		yeah that would be cool. 		you should talk to him he can help you.		yeah okay. 		i make art. 		did you know your cousin makes music. 				he’s working on music right now.

		nice dad. nice dad. he’s a nice guy. trust me he’s a nice guy. a real nice guy. a real nice guy. my dad yeah he’s a nice guy. mom no she’s the problem shes bad shes so bad. my dad hes a nice guy. hes a nice guy. hes the nicest guy you could know. why don’t you try and hang out with your dad? it’s really bothering him that you don’t hang out with your dad. it’s really bothering me that you don’t hangout with the nice guy. im your mom and i know im mean but you got to hang out with the nice guy because he would never hurt a fly. me im coldhearted him he would never hurt anyone ever. nice guy. nice guy. nice guy.

	dumb bitch.

			you’re gonna see him again thats not my problem. its not my problem . hes your problem. you can’t choose where you get to work you can’t choose it. i mean its not my problem thats your problem.


	i will literally work any other job by myself rather than go there. i do not want to see him.

	well thats your problem. your problem. your problem.

	i dont know what you expect me to say.  you have to work. you have to make money
and if you cant thats your problem.
insanity is repeating . repeating. re 		peating. and expecting results.	that are different. 		the same. but different. 		insanity is because you messed up somewhere along the line. if 		you just learn whats not working and change it. 			
		then you’re sane.

	then you make money.
					then you have use.

	utility.		use. 		money .		sane. 		you have to earn your keep.		you’re earning your keep. 		you know this type of work builds character.


			you know i work so hard to keep this house clean

	*english muffins crumbs spray onto the floor* 

				i really do so much work to keep it clean here and libby i dont know what she does. 				she just finds problems. problems.

		i cant believe her son .	
						hiding behind door frame.

						cleaning toilet.

	cleaning floors.

				cleaning mirrors.
								mirrors that never are free of a smudge. or two		or three. or 	the floor is fucking dirty	
          it goes on.