laurie

do you ever just think you dont want to do this anymore?

you dont want to do this anymore

you dont want to do this anymore.

i can’t fucking stand it.

i hate replaying the same words to gain even a fraction of sympathy just over and over and over begging for some kind of relief. maybe that one day a specific person will come in and save us. they never came. i feel like my chest is empty, no organs just wind flowing through. a ghost town. im looking for the tumbleweeds. devoid of feeling devoid of all things. where do you place grief you had to swallow for 2 decades. the build up of the weight wears down every bone muscle sinew and joint in my body. we often feel like roadkill. long forgotten. only maggots know us now. turning to dust turning to dust. while im answering the scripted questions we’re all supposed to ask one another. i feel like a hologram of a hologram of a hologram of a computer thats trying to learn to be a person but its a rudimentary ibm computer that they used at kmart as the cash register. ive been told who to be but i never was anything before. living in reaction. living in friction. living in that darkness under the stairwell into the basement.